Saturday, February 28, 2009

Dobber's Match Day 27 Predictions

After taking a week off from predicting the EPL while taking care of the Dobber Jr., Dobber Sr. is back and better than ever. The Dobber plans to regain his EPL prediction supremacy on this blog and there's no better way to do that than to predict my predictions. Typically the trio does alright, 3 or 4 correct predictions. But this week, Dobber's going one step above the typical threshold and predicting that his predictions will earn a clean sheet. Predicting predictions sounds radical eh? or just plan stupid. Either way, that's how I'm rollin this mornin.

Arsenal 2 Fulham 0
The arrival of Andrei Arshavin has made an immediate impact in creating chances for Arsenal around the goal. Unfortunately, those chances haven't turned into goals for the Gunners in their last few EPL fixtures, and while Arsenal hasn't lost since Nov. 22nd to Manchester City, with only a series of draws to show for they're last few matches in leauge play, they haven't seized their opportunities to climb back into Champions League qualifying contention. Arsenal will get their points today when Fulham arrives at the Emirates, but unfortunately for the Gunners, they won't close the gap on Aston Villa.

Hull City 2 Blackburn 0
Hull City has to be the feel good story of the EPL season. They are a fun club to watch as they go head to head with everyone in the league, rather than taking a right turn onto "Pansy Way Blvd" that so many other clubs have done so far this year. Hull City will go full steam ahead this week too, and with a matchup with Blackburn, they'll get the three points, and even a clean sheet to boot, that they deserve.

Sunderland 1 Tottenham 1
Both teams recently drew with Arsenal and that is the brightest spot in both club's seasons to date. To say this season is a disappointment for Tottenham is an understatement. Not many expected Sunderland to do much, so they fact they are occassionaly competitive is a good thing. Bottom line, both teams aren't good and when you have club's that aren't good playing each other, that doesn't make for a very good match. Hit the snooze button and skip this one.

Aston Villa 3 Stoke City 1
Dobber's been waiting for Aston Villa to drop points and fall out of the coveted fourth spot in the table for the past few weeks. Villa did their part with a draw to Wigan and a loss to Chelsea, but the club right behind them, Arsenal did nothing to take advantage. If Arsenal thinks this week might be the week to close the gap, they've got another thing coming. Villa runs away with this one and barely breaks a sweat.

Bolton 0 Newcastle 0
Boy did we have a number of choices for Toilet Stinker Match of the Week in this weekend's fixtures. Seriously, who picked these matches for the trio to predict? Hell, the Dobber thinks their are going to many toilet stinker's this week. Although this one will be the festering turd among all EPL fixtures. Mark the Dobber's words, this match will be an uninspiring, boring match that will make fans want to make their own prison shank and stab themselves repeatedly.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Matchday 27

It surely has been awhile since my last post. I have been on a little hiatus but my attorney calls it jail. I really don't see the need to arrest a man for trying to smuggle $50,000 worth of drugs into the United States in a body cavity. I should get a damn medal not a jail term with possible prison sentence. Anyways...........

Here's this weeks predictions:

Arsenal 3-1 Fulham
Arsenal has to many weapons and Fulham not enough. Side note: who looks smarter in the whole selling of Jimmy Bullard. Fulham gets some much needed cash and young prospect and Hull City get to pay a surgeon to fix the messed up knee of Bullard. hated the move at the time but it looks like pure genius right now.

Hull City 2 - 1 Blackburn
The return to glory for Hull City. This is a home game and no way they lose, i can see a draw but not a loss. This will effectively be the three points that ensures survival.

Sunderland 1 - 3 Tottenham
Harry rested his stars for the UEFA Cup dud and will have a fresh squad to run out against a very poor Sunderland. Although I have to admit to taking a liking to Djibril Cisse. His hair is more than enough for me to take a liking to him.

Aston-Villa 4 - 0 Stoke City
Martin O'Neill has a fresh and hungry side to run out and totally control and demolish a weak and going down Stoke.

Bolton 0 - 0 Newcastle
Shit game full of shit players. if a plane crashed into the pitch and totally took out both teams i might not cry.

Until next week..........don't listen to your parents. they are only there to ruin all your fun.

BPL Predictions 02/28 - 03/01

Howdy y'all! Hey did you guys see Aston Villa lost to CSKA in UEFA Cup play this week? Yep. Vagner Love and Yury Zhirkov each netted for the Moscow club. I wonder if at any point in the match the commentator said, "Love to Zhirkov for the score!" or "Love has done well, but Zhirkov is much more fun to watch."

Sorry fans, I have no "Redneckiest" shirt award this week.


Bolton 1 Newcastle 0
Like a magician pulls a rabbit from a hat, somehow the Wanderers will pull a win out of their ass at the Reebok. I have had way too much faith in the Potpies, I mean Magpies, to be a better squad this year. However, they are as inconsistent as Arsenal and can’t seem to find goals in half of their games. They are probably due for a couple in this one, but Bolton hold them off.

Hull City 0 Blackburn 2
If I had lots of money to gamble with, I would put it all down on the Rovers in this one. I might be duped, but I’m pretty sure Hull might be in the drop zone before long… “Look out below!” says the entire city of Hull in one big, collective shout. Blackburn are too disciplined to lose against the Tigers, even on the road. Expect Santa Cruz, Roberts, and McCarthy to terrorize early and often. It could be worse than the score above.

Sunderland 1 Tottenham 1
Dobber will probably pick either of the above matches as his “Toilet Stinker,” but let’s be real here. We were all joking at the fact in pre-season that Sunderland were predicted to be a top ten team because they had acquired so many studs. The funny thing was that they were all Spurs-castaways (note: Spurs finished bottom ten last year). So what were they going to do? Take a bunch of overrated, undertalented players and mold them into stars? No no no. If this isn’t the “Toilet Stinker,” it is at least the “Greasy Fart Stain” match of the week.

Aston Villa 2 Stoke City 0
Why should Villa lose this game? No reason exists. I will laugh my ass off if they do though.

Arsenal 3 Fulham 1
Arsenal cannot keep squandering points in 0-0 draws each week. Wow! They are unbeaten in X-number of games in all competitions! Who gives a shit because they haven’t won half of them. Is this the week they finally break free from the bonds of negativity? I believe so because the Cottagers are at least halfway decent in attack and will not be able to resist the urge to push forward. I would like to see Deuce Dempsey in the limelight, but in the end would much rather see his side lose miserably. Don’t worry Deuce! You’ll be playing El Salvador soon enough!


Until next time... wash behind your ears, under your sack, and between your cheeks.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Eugene's Picks

These are Eugene's picks, he just decided to forego his duties and disrespect the code of the 3 Morons. What a deviant. What a sham this is. Of all the low-down, dirty-scoundrel, rat-gnawing-on-your-ass horrible things that could be done, Eugene has just put the icing on the cake.

Ok, actually he's on his way to watch some bball and then go get wasted with me afterward.

Holla!


Aston Villa 2 Chelsea 1

Arsenal 3 Sunderland 0

Manchester United 4 Blackburn 1

Liverpool 2 Manchester City 1

Newcastle 0 Everton 1

Until next time... please let me eat your poop. --From Eugene

BPL Predictions 02/21 - 02/23

If only I had seen that Spurs and Hull were playing Monday, I would have totally recommended we predict that one instead (Hull wins 1-0)... but I digress.

This week's fixtures are ok. I think that these games we are foreseeing have a lot of potential, but will they impress or disappoint in the end? Maybe even a better question is... who gives a rat's ass? As long as Arsenal wins and Chelsea and Villa manage to both lose (despite playing each other), I will be happy. Now I'm not hoping for an injury to a member of either of those teams (or 3-4 injuries), but I certainly wouldn't lose sleep because of it. Most likely I'd stay up all night drinking, celebrating, singing Villa and Chelsea hate songs and Glory Glory Fuck United and high-fiving myself in the mirror. But, once again, I digress.

Aston Villa 1 Chelsea 2
I’m not sure exactly how he’ll do it, but Guus will have the Blues ready to play. The players will have the typical “rejuvenation” of a new coach, blah blah blah. It’s funny that I have been hoping for Villa to lose so much this year, but now I want them to win. Why? Because Chelsea is closer for Arsenal to catch in that 4th spot. However, if Villa is to lose this match, it could spurn a slump…hmmm…maybe it’s not so bad afterall.

Arsenal 2 Sunderland 0
I think this could have been a very entertaining match with Eduardo back in the red and white, but now he’s out again for a couple weeks along with Ade. It seems as if Arshavin will have his league debut and I’m counting on him to net along with one of the partnering stikers of RvP or Bendtner. Sunderland will probably drop 15 men behind the ball (11 players, manager, referee, and 2 linesman) and try to kill the entire 90 minutes. The only problem is that they will suck as long and hard as Dobber and Eugene do every holiday season together.

Manchester United 3 Blackburn 0
This will start off interesting, and then will become the complete opposite of that unless you’re a Red Devil fan. United’s defense, offense, and special teams is just too good. Oh and Blackburn blows like Dobber and Eugene do… actually, I’m going to spare our “readers” this simile, ok guys?

Liverpool 1 Manchester City 1
Something tells me that the halfway decent Man City will indeed show up and give the Reds a valiant contest. In fact, I think a point will be deserved between these two teams as it is an up-and-down match with lots of action, but no real substance.

Newcastle 2 Everton 1
This may very well be my “Shock the World and Shit Your Pants” pick of the week. Newcastle has three key starters back available for action this weekend and you have to believe that Everton wants all three points, so it should equal a high-paced, offensive match with hopefully little or no defense. I say a 2-1 score because Everton is involved, but it could be more.

Until next time, don't pee your pants. It's not actually cool like Miles Davis. Later fucksticks!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Keeping It Fresh

So this week's winner of the redneckiest t-shirt award goes to another student whose shirt read the following: Stand up and take it like a man! with a picture of a deer with a target (bullseye) on it and a hunter in the background in a deer stand. Apparently the hunter is taunting the deer in this scene. It must be the ol' silent taunt because the hunter obviously doesn't want the deer to run away... or maybe the hunter is simply keeping his unkind words to himself as he doesn't want to offend the deer. He could be thinking "It is the 21st Century by golly." I'm sure he's an intelligent man with high values of equality and tolerance towards others who aren't like him because any behavior otherwise is not the way of the mountain man...aka Klan member and/or DUMB F*CK HILLJACKS. Plus, I'm sure he meant nothing with the gender slur either... why does it have to be a man? Women can be tough too in today's world, right? Then there's the damn deer, who has to be thinking "Who is this ass-clown sitting on a board in a tree pretending to blend in? Who the f*ck does this guy think he is? This is my hood!" Seriously, what the hell would that hunter do if their roles were reversed? ..."Son of a bitch! I'm getting shot at and all I want is some damn breakfast!" Could you imagine being a deer with some shit-for-brains' stuffed head on your wall? "Howdy, how's you doin? Me? I is never been better. Oh that there head on that there wall over yonder? Yep, that was my first huntin trip. Got me a big ol' ugly son bitch. Serves him right fer eatin wild nuts and berries and mindin his own bih-ness."

Seriously what the fizznuck?


OK enough of that. On to the SOCCER!
So, congratulations to Eduardo da Silva on your monumental return. With Arshavin in the side now, Walcott back within weeks, and Cesc "on the mend," the Gunners could still make a push into the top 4. It appears as if it may be a mountain to climb, but if any team can get on a hot streak, it's Arsenal. Chelsea may be the team they beat out, instead of Villa, if they can manage to get back into it. I guess only time will tell.

Holla!

Oh and stay tuned for the return of the 3 Morons BPL Predictions this weekend!

Holla again!

Friday, February 6, 2009

Dobber's Match Day 25 Predictions

So how committed is the Dobber to this blog? How about only sleeping 20 minutes in the past 38 hours while helping coach the newest Dobber into the world, Dylan Miles Chiado, and still making a blog prediction post.

Although don't read too much into my bragging, this post will have no insight. I'm going quick and just throwing out scores. You got a problem with that? Then keep it to yourself cause I'm tired as hell and don't want to hear about it.

Blackburn 1 Villa 2

West Brom 1 Newcastle 3

Portsmouth 0 Liverpool 2

Wigan 1 Fulham 1 - Toilet Stinker Match of the Week

Tottenham 1 Arsenal 2

BPL Predictions 02/07 - 02/08

Arsene and Arsenal acquired Arshavin! I bet you can't say that 5 times in a row without sounding like a drunken seal in a nipple-grinder.

I have no idea what that means.

Anyway, the BPL is looking to hit us pretty hard this week with a handful of very intriguing games. Oh wait, I just remembered. This week's round of games blows ass, kind of like Eugene and Dobber do with each other every holiday.

But, without further ado...we, the 3 morons, must proceed to predict away regardless. I shall overcome last week's debacle with a better round this time out... I can 'feel' it in my gut. Unless that's the meatball sub I had for lunch making its way through. I bid you adieu! Farewell!

Blackburn 1 Aston Villa 1
After taking a peek at Blackburn’s recent form, they haven’t lost a match since early January. It’s hard to say that streak will end with the Villains coming to town, but I’m sure Big Sam has some tricks up his sleeve. Blackburn does still have two high-quality strikers in McCarthy and Santa Cruz. Villa, on the other hand, looks more and more each week like they will hold onto that 4th spot in the table…maybe even spring into 3rd. I have a feeling like they will come close to scoring a game-winner late, but Rovers will hang on like a crackwhore hangs onto a crackhead’s ding dong.

WBA 1 Newcastle 0
This week’s fixtures sure do suck. Think about it. We actually had to include this match. Wow. What a barn-burner. Both teams will approach this game with the idea that they can win it. The problem is that it’s not dance when two alike teams meet. It’s more like a head-butting battle. No one wins, and everyone gets dumber for participating and/or watching. West Brom sneaks one by though and takes a much-needed trio of points in hopes to get out of the bottom third. Newcastle fans don't really care though as they will be hammered drunk.

Portsmouth 1 Liverpool 2
Before Gerrard's injury, I would have said that Portsmouth stood about as much of a chance in this one as a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest. However, Portsmouth will keep it interesting while at home and will equalize before making a desperate push for the game-winner. Then, Liverpool, like a thief in the night, will steal it with a late goal. Tony Adams may very well be red-carded after this one, if you catch my drift.

Wigan 2 Fulham 2
If this were last year or the year before, this match would have been so boring that any normal person would rather watch shit stink or a corpse decompose, or a combination of both. However, these teams are both pretty decent this year, and both offer a different style. Wigan, in my opinion, are more of a grinding style. Fulham have a bit more edge and play with a bit more aggression near the goal but are more open to counter-attack. We’ll see how this one plays out, but I have a feeling it will tilt and swing like a carnival ride with some nice goals to boot.

Spurs 1 Arsenal 3
The last time these two met led to an unbelievable ending where, if I remember correctly, 3 (maybe 4) goals were scored in the final 10 minutes and injury time. Arsenal could not hold onto the lead and let Spurs steal a couple of big points. Spurs now have more of an attack with Keane back, but it will not be enough to dispose of their archrivals even at the Lane. The Gunners purchase of Arshavin definitely helps their team, and it may very well help this weekend. It will be a tight affair early and an early goal may be in the works. I can predict the second half will be much more exciting with some excellent open play. Go Gunners!


Until next time... Remember: don't lick used toilet paper.

Match Day 25

Well I would just like to congratulate myself on the fact that I am not posting this 3.8 minutes before the first kickoff on Saturday. But I have to be honest I am bit distracted about this weeks fixtures. Work, family life but most importantly the USA v Mexico match next Wednesday has all of my attention. I can't wait for that one and will be working up a huge preview of that game for next week. But on to this weekends fixtures:

I will be presenting these predictions in a descending order of attraction for me.

5. West Bromwich Albion 2-1 Newcastle
Couldn't care less about this game except it provides me with the hope that a team I would love to see get regulate, Newcastle, and a team i would like to see stay up, WBA. WBA is one of the most positive sides in the EPL. Their defense is shit and their chances of survival are slim but at least they try and play positive, attractive football. GO WBA!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. Portsmouth 0 - 2 Liverpool
Torres is on form and the Portsmouth defense looked absolutely horrid versus Fulham. I think we could all agree that Liverpool has more attacking talent than Fulham even without Gerrard. This game is huge for both teams. If Portsmouth wants to stay up they need to get a result. If Liverpool is to be a true Champion contender then they need all three. Could see this game go either way but with a couple weak goals Liverpool will push through.

3. Blackburn 1-2 Aston Villa
Another big game for both squads. This game is much more important for Blackburn than for Aston Villa. Sitting at 18th in the table Blackburn will need to start getting results against whoever they play. Blackburn hasn't lost a league game since "Big Sam" has taken over but this Aston Villa team is second in the league in the past six games. The Villains will get Ashley Young back this week which will add even more attack and balance to an ever increasing confidence that this year the Big Four with be turned into a Big Five. GO VILLAINS!!!!!!!!

2. Tottenham 1-2 Arsenal
I can see this match going either way. With the inspirational return of Robbie Keane to the Spurs and the long awaited arrival of Andrey Arshavin to the Gunners, this game will bristle with attacking verve and is only a matter of which defense makes the least amount of mistakes. Even though Arsenal's defense is sketchy at best the defense of Tottenham's is just as bad, maybe worse. Arsenal will control possession and squeak out a result in the North London Derby.

And on to the most intriguing match of the day. Wigan v Fulham. On form both teams are level, earning the same exact points over the previous six games. Fulham is 4 points back of Wigan. This is truly a mid-table clash. But for all those reasons it still is not the main reason i rank this game the most intriguing. The reason i see this game as the best of the weekend is because of our boy Clint "The Deuce" Dempsey. Clint is the most consistent USAer playing in the top league in the world for a top ten team. Clint will bring the heat this weekend in his final tune-up to the major World Cup qualifier against hated rival "El Tri". Clint scores the game winner in this one and bags another mid-week against Mexico:
Wigan 1- 2 Fulham.

Until next week...........Don't be a Douchebag!!!!!!!