BPL Predictions 04/25 - 04/27

"Howdy y'all!!!"

"Go on, git!!!"

"I done seen you yesterday."

AAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I gave a vocabulary test last week to my freshmen classes, and check this out. The words consisted of the following:

1. comprehend
2. repetition
3. exempt
4. vain
5. commend
6. maim
7. toil
8. final
9. blunder
10. mourn
11. daze
12. subside

Aside from one class that had a class average of 85%, I had another with a 63% average, and two others with 75% and 71%. Are you freaking kidding me? It has a matching section, a fill in the blank section, and a section on matching terms to real-life examples, etc. I actually design the test so that there will be lots and lots of perfect scores. In fact, I give bonus points to any student who earns a perfect score. I offer extra incentive for perfection. The rich keep getting richer. It doesn't matter though for they are too f****************************** stupid.

So anyways, it looks like it will be an interesting weekend in the Prem..............not.

Bolton 1 Aston Villa 1

This is sure to be an extremely unexciting match. Bolton are a side that usually play well at home, and the Villains have been shit for the past two months, so I guess you never know though. Most likely we will all be witnesses to a sluggish midfield match that fails to compare even to watching The Simpsons remain relevant. Hopefully instead we'll all be stunned and "shocked" at a whirlwind of fantastic footwork, teamwork, and shoddy goalkeeping so we can see lots of goals. My prediction? We see lots of circle jerk instead. Did I mention I'm still laughing at the divine rise and traumatic fall of Villa!!!!!! Did I also mention anyone who roots for Bolton is a total stroke wand?

Everton 3 Man City 1

Everton have been playing some very high quality soccer lately. Their draw versus United last weekend may have been somewhat of a farce considering it was the A-team against United's B-team, but... in light of that, Everton is no United either way so it was still a nice win, especially for Timmy-Ho who came up big in PKs. F***************** United. Moving on, ManCity were good for what? 2-3 weeks at the beginning of the season. Wow did the wheels ever fall off or what. They might get a goal, but it is a certainty they let in more than they score. This is still going to be a borefest.

Man United 3 Spurs 0

Who honestly thinks that Spurs can come into Old Trafford and score a point, let alone score a goal? Show me this man who believes, and I will show you a man with a tiny wang and no sense of reality... Ladies and Gentlemen... Eugene Turk!!!!! Sorry Eug, I couldn't resist the opportunity. The next low-blow goes to Dobby "Dobber" McDobbymeister-ton. The Red Devils defense lately has been maybe at its weakest since Christmas maybe, but it is still top notch. The fact that Spurs could possibly still fight for UEFA Cup (or Europa League... is that its new gay name?) does not matter because the truth of the matter is that they still suck. United could basically close out the Prem with their next two wins... maybe not mathematically, but c'mon it's over already isn't it? I hate United, but only for this reason: When they smell blood, they kill everything off. This is no different. Bye bye Spurs.

Arsenal 2 Boro 1

The Boro-ites, or whatever the hell is their nickname, always seem to be a tough match for the Gunners to overcome no matter how much more talented they may be. Southgate's teeth are certain to make an appearance at some point, and Gooners can only hope it is in the form of a painful grimace as they get their asses stomped left and right. However, it could be as he sinks those gnarled mashers into the throat of Wenger as they celebrate victory... or in Boro's case even a draw would be fantastic. All-in-all, the important thing here is that everyone felt a twinge of strangeness from the overly grotesque descriptions of Gareth's teeth.

Hull City 0 Liverpool 3

I have been reading about Hull City's managerial collapse, and all I can do is laugh. What a joke that is. Liverpool make this an easy road trip as they thoroughly dominate literally the entire match. Hull need something to keep their hopes of staying afloat at the top level, but the Reds are too tough even with dreams of still winning the Prem fading by the moment.

Adios amigos. Until next time, don't pee on the electric fence.